I got a really sweet gift today. It was this little figurine of a baby that looks just like my youngest when he was a baby. The differentiating feature that makes it look so much like my little man, and not just some other chubby cheeked child, is the ears. My little guy has big ears. When he was a baby, I just always thought he would grow into them. Now, people recognize him because of them. "Oh, is he the one with the ears?" Yup, that would be Tyler.
As a mom, you worry a bit about these kind of things. You don't want to see your baby get teased or hurt. You don't want them to have to overcome a physical feature that will set him apart and make him feel weird. But, yet you also know that your kids will face challenges no matter what. And, in the scheme of things, a pretty trivial matter.
But Tyler also has a big personality. For a little three foot person, he makes an entrance where ever he goes. He is truly a people person, loves to chat, and smiles most of the time. He is afraid of things he isn't familiar with, which is also pretty endearing a lot of the time. He makes friends and people love him. He is charming and charismatic. He is incredibly talkative, and a total ham. He loves to be the center of attention. I don't doubt for a moment that I will get some calls from his teachers. He is willing to go to extreme measures for a laugh from his siblings now, and I am sure that will translate to friends at school.
I know there will be some day when my little man will come home feeling blue because someone teased him about his big ears. But I also know that God didn't give my little man more than he could handle. He might have challenges, that will teach him compassion and humility. And obviously I know he will have more challenges than the size of his ears. But, I also know that God will provide
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Spirit
I love having a relationship with the holy spirit, because I feel over time like he is actually making progress on me. It is so great to have themes that pop up in your life in so many ways, that you can't deny that God is speaking to you. It is amazing to hear a sermon that puts words to the burdens in your heart at the moment. For me, there is no denying that it is God talking into my life. My current theme has been about my desire for significance. How often, I try to take the things that God is doing, and make them all about me, or at very least bend into my life.
God is so much bigger than I could ever bend. Lets face it, I can't even get my hands around him. I am coming to a greater place of insignificance in the world, and with it a great joy in my soul. God's presence is so near, and so comforting. I think this is the joy I have been studying and it is so different than feeling happy. I feel full, satisfied, and peaceful about it.
Thank you God, for being so much more than I can imagine. Thank you for loving me enough to keep whispering in my ear and patient enough to not get frustrated that you have to repeat yourself time and time again. It is starting to sink in. Staring to become more the norm for me.
The thing that draws me back from dwelling in the place, is the realization of how horrid I am. How not worthy I am of what God is. The closer I get to this place of surrender to Christ, the more I see the ugliness of my sin and how frequently it happens. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel fear or condemnation, but what I feel is humility from deep within.
I would like to imagine that the longer I live a life of surrender, the less I will sin. I think that might be making it all about me again. God isn't looking for me to eventually be perfect. He just wants me to put my pride aside and be with him. He wants me to run to him with reckless abandon.
Movements -- Rend Collective Experiement
I wanna soar with you, upon wings like eagles.
But I'll grow with you too, when the dark and lonely questions come.
I wanna stand true, no matter what 's new or comes through.
I cannot stand still, whatever hits, I keep making movements to you.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are the movement and fight in me.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are my home, where I want to be.
Come move in me. Where I want to be, come move in me.
I wanna flow with you, the currents driving me.
But I'll paddle hard too, when the waves and rapids overcome.
I wanna stand firm, when my minds weak and my emotions fail.
I wanna stand true, whatever hits, I keep making movements to you.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are the movement and fight in me.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are my home, where I want to be.
Come move in me. Where I want to be, come move in me.
I won't walk away. Won't walk away.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are the movement and fight in me.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are my home.
God is so much bigger than I could ever bend. Lets face it, I can't even get my hands around him. I am coming to a greater place of insignificance in the world, and with it a great joy in my soul. God's presence is so near, and so comforting. I think this is the joy I have been studying and it is so different than feeling happy. I feel full, satisfied, and peaceful about it.
Thank you God, for being so much more than I can imagine. Thank you for loving me enough to keep whispering in my ear and patient enough to not get frustrated that you have to repeat yourself time and time again. It is starting to sink in. Staring to become more the norm for me.
The thing that draws me back from dwelling in the place, is the realization of how horrid I am. How not worthy I am of what God is. The closer I get to this place of surrender to Christ, the more I see the ugliness of my sin and how frequently it happens. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel fear or condemnation, but what I feel is humility from deep within.
I would like to imagine that the longer I live a life of surrender, the less I will sin. I think that might be making it all about me again. God isn't looking for me to eventually be perfect. He just wants me to put my pride aside and be with him. He wants me to run to him with reckless abandon.
Movements -- Rend Collective Experiement
I wanna soar with you, upon wings like eagles.
But I'll grow with you too, when the dark and lonely questions come.
I wanna stand true, no matter what 's new or comes through.
I cannot stand still, whatever hits, I keep making movements to you.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are the movement and fight in me.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are my home, where I want to be.
Come move in me. Where I want to be, come move in me.
I wanna flow with you, the currents driving me.
But I'll paddle hard too, when the waves and rapids overcome.
I wanna stand firm, when my minds weak and my emotions fail.
I wanna stand true, whatever hits, I keep making movements to you.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are the movement and fight in me.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are my home, where I want to be.
Come move in me. Where I want to be, come move in me.
I won't walk away. Won't walk away.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are the movement and fight in me.
I'm running fast and free to you, cause you are my home.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sophisticated
My creative daughter tries to invent a new outfit everyday. Usually, it consists of the combining the most frilly things together, to be as spectacular as possible. However, each day she is becoming more aware that if she doesn't dress within the appropriate parameters such as considering the weather and formality of the occasion, then she will likely get sent back to change. This morning she came into my room dressed in a floral skirt, with jeans underneath and a miss-matched t-shirt with sparkles. Also, when I asked her to brush her hair, she put it in a "bun" and put every blue clip she owns in her hair. I hope you can picture my little glamorous ragamuffin.
There are certainly days that I would have sent her back to change, and fixed her hair, but today I decided to let it go. She and I had to go to the pediatrician. Since we had a Dr appointment, my mother-in-law graciously offered to take my boys to the park. Ellie was definitely getting the raw end of the deal.
So off we went, to the doctor, and she smiled and chatted to me the whole way. The appointment was for her asthma, which has been a little worse lately. The doctor wanted to do some tests to see how her airways are on a good day. Basically, her asthma is worse than we thought, and probably affecting her daily.
And there she was, in all her unique ways, just being her. Talking to the Dr and nurse and playing with her little toys. And joyful. This little girl who has been plagued with asthma and allergies her whole life. This sweet girl who has never tasted homemade bread, or a grilled cheese sandwich. This girl, who can't do cartwheels in the grass without needing a shower. This girl who wheezes when she runs, is so joyful.
I know it could be worse, and I really am not having a case of the "poor me's" over here. Really, I am just amazed that she isn't. She inspires me with her maturity and grace with which she takes on these challenges. Food allergies and now asthma is something that is there everyday, all the time. But, she shows me how to take it in stride and reminds me that character is what really matters. Today I was so proud of my little girl. She was dressed silly, but she shined with sophistication.
There are certainly days that I would have sent her back to change, and fixed her hair, but today I decided to let it go. She and I had to go to the pediatrician. Since we had a Dr appointment, my mother-in-law graciously offered to take my boys to the park. Ellie was definitely getting the raw end of the deal.
So off we went, to the doctor, and she smiled and chatted to me the whole way. The appointment was for her asthma, which has been a little worse lately. The doctor wanted to do some tests to see how her airways are on a good day. Basically, her asthma is worse than we thought, and probably affecting her daily.
And there she was, in all her unique ways, just being her. Talking to the Dr and nurse and playing with her little toys. And joyful. This little girl who has been plagued with asthma and allergies her whole life. This sweet girl who has never tasted homemade bread, or a grilled cheese sandwich. This girl, who can't do cartwheels in the grass without needing a shower. This girl who wheezes when she runs, is so joyful.
I know it could be worse, and I really am not having a case of the "poor me's" over here. Really, I am just amazed that she isn't. She inspires me with her maturity and grace with which she takes on these challenges. Food allergies and now asthma is something that is there everyday, all the time. But, she shows me how to take it in stride and reminds me that character is what really matters. Today I was so proud of my little girl. She was dressed silly, but she shined with sophistication.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Accomplishments
I love watching my children learn new things. I took pictures when they rolled over, and scrapbooked those first steps. Lately my oldest is conquering riding her bike and learning to read. My 4 year is learning to buckle his own seatbelt and be more responsible for his things. My little guy is potty training. I even found myself sneaking into his room last night to take pictures of him sleeping in a big boy bed for the first time.
So many of these things that my kids learn, is part of a process. For Ellie, she didn't just take the training wheels off her bike and take off down the street. (Yes, I know that is how it works for some of your kids, but not mine.) She has tried and tried, and practiced, and cried, and fallen down in her process to achieving the "I can ride a two wheeler" status.
As a parent, I say a lot of 'you can do it's and a wipe many a tears, including a few of my own, as they process through these accomplishments. And sometimes it is hard to watch your children fail, or be frustrated with a task that you know they need to learn. But, you also get to celebrate with them, you get to remember it, and remind them of the challenges. You get to take pictures of those big moments, when it all clicks and their hard work of learning something new pays off. And, you enjoy the benefits of a kid who can put his own shoes on, or buckle his own belt, or ride her own bike.
This got me to thinking about what I am learning. The longer I am a Christian, the more I know that I will be learning to be better, until the day I die. The things I am learning are a process too. And all too often, we don’t see the moment where we mastered something. I don't have a date when I stopped worrying, or when I became disciplined, or when I achieved patience (let's face it, I am still working on that one.)
The wonderful part is that my Heavenly Father is keeping track of my milestones. He will be able to show me my scrapbook with moments of accomplishments. That is, if I keep doing the hard work that it is to learn something new. He will keep pushing me to learn the new thing. Not to give up on myself when I just feel like I will always be impatient or selfish. He will continue to put me in situations to help me learn. And until I get it, he will keep wiping my tears, and telling me I can do it!
So many of these things that my kids learn, is part of a process. For Ellie, she didn't just take the training wheels off her bike and take off down the street. (Yes, I know that is how it works for some of your kids, but not mine.) She has tried and tried, and practiced, and cried, and fallen down in her process to achieving the "I can ride a two wheeler" status.
As a parent, I say a lot of 'you can do it's and a wipe many a tears, including a few of my own, as they process through these accomplishments. And sometimes it is hard to watch your children fail, or be frustrated with a task that you know they need to learn. But, you also get to celebrate with them, you get to remember it, and remind them of the challenges. You get to take pictures of those big moments, when it all clicks and their hard work of learning something new pays off. And, you enjoy the benefits of a kid who can put his own shoes on, or buckle his own belt, or ride her own bike.
This got me to thinking about what I am learning. The longer I am a Christian, the more I know that I will be learning to be better, until the day I die. The things I am learning are a process too. And all too often, we don’t see the moment where we mastered something. I don't have a date when I stopped worrying, or when I became disciplined, or when I achieved patience (let's face it, I am still working on that one.)
The wonderful part is that my Heavenly Father is keeping track of my milestones. He will be able to show me my scrapbook with moments of accomplishments. That is, if I keep doing the hard work that it is to learn something new. He will keep pushing me to learn the new thing. Not to give up on myself when I just feel like I will always be impatient or selfish. He will continue to put me in situations to help me learn. And until I get it, he will keep wiping my tears, and telling me I can do it!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Status Updates
So, I have a facebook friend that really is an encouragement to me in my walk with Christ. Honestly, he is someone I hardly know. Before you all start thinking I am having an inappropriate relationship, I assure you I am not. I haven't communicated with him since college, and even then we maybe had a few classes together, have barely said more than hello to each other, ever. Basically what I am saying, is all I really know about this guy is what comes through on my news feed.
This friend, exemplifies a life surrendered to Christ in status updates. He doesn't preach, he doesn't quote scripture, he simply gives snippets of his life. I can see that he loves God and makes time for him and is obedient to him. I can see that he loves his wife, honors and respects her and makes time for her. I can see that he loves his kids, plays with them, encourages them and shares his life with them. I can see that he serves others in his church. I can see that he has joy in the journey.
I was encouraged by the fact that I could see Christ's love in someone I don't know. Perhaps the way I live my life, might be an example to someone else? This question compels me to keep putting myself out there. To keep trying to represent Christ at church, in the grocery store with three kids, or even on facebook.
Matthew 5:16 "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
This friend, exemplifies a life surrendered to Christ in status updates. He doesn't preach, he doesn't quote scripture, he simply gives snippets of his life. I can see that he loves God and makes time for him and is obedient to him. I can see that he loves his wife, honors and respects her and makes time for her. I can see that he loves his kids, plays with them, encourages them and shares his life with them. I can see that he serves others in his church. I can see that he has joy in the journey.
I was encouraged by the fact that I could see Christ's love in someone I don't know. Perhaps the way I live my life, might be an example to someone else? This question compels me to keep putting myself out there. To keep trying to represent Christ at church, in the grocery store with three kids, or even on facebook.
Matthew 5:16 "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Friends
A few years ago, I was a new mom, whom had just moved to a new town, and my mom and sister were really my only friends in town. While they are both great friends, they had their own lives, friends, churches, and jobs. So, I had one delightfully easy baby, and a lot of lonely time.
So, I started praying for girlfriends. I would prayed specifically for my neighborhood, since that seemed like an all too convenient place to have friends. I would go for walks and pray for the houses as I passed by.
Speed warp 6 years with me. I have friends! Not just people that I will hang out with, or that are okay. I have women in my life who inspired and challenge me. People who make me laugh. People who I am proud to be with, cry with, play with, share life with. My Bible study for example is this collective group of women who are funny, and smart, and lovely, and generous, and introspective, and honest and loyal, and compassionate, and blunt, and altogether beautiful. They all love Jesus and are striving to be more like him everyday.
I often say that the other stay-at -home moms in my life are my co-workers. (And my husband always reminds me that I get to pick my co-workers, and most people don’t. ) So yes, I am spoiled because I pick the people I have in my life, but I am here to say how blessed and thankful I am for them.
I know it sounds cliché to say that women were meant to be in relationship, but I guess for this women, I really was. So when I have goodness surrounding me like this, I can take the challenges of the rough days.
Thanks ladies, who are in my life. I am so so thankful for you. I don’t think I could do it without you. And thanks for my Savior, who saw my loneliness and put me here, with all these friends, and a reminder that he really does here my prayers.
My daughter has been a little lonely lately. So, we have switched our prayers to friends for her. In fact, the house across the street is for sale and I am praying for a sweet little girl. But the best part is, I can show Ellie how He answered my prayers, and I know he will do the same for her.
So, I started praying for girlfriends. I would prayed specifically for my neighborhood, since that seemed like an all too convenient place to have friends. I would go for walks and pray for the houses as I passed by.
Speed warp 6 years with me. I have friends! Not just people that I will hang out with, or that are okay. I have women in my life who inspired and challenge me. People who make me laugh. People who I am proud to be with, cry with, play with, share life with. My Bible study for example is this collective group of women who are funny, and smart, and lovely, and generous, and introspective, and honest and loyal, and compassionate, and blunt, and altogether beautiful. They all love Jesus and are striving to be more like him everyday.
I often say that the other stay-at -home moms in my life are my co-workers. (And my husband always reminds me that I get to pick my co-workers, and most people don’t. ) So yes, I am spoiled because I pick the people I have in my life, but I am here to say how blessed and thankful I am for them.
I know it sounds cliché to say that women were meant to be in relationship, but I guess for this women, I really was. So when I have goodness surrounding me like this, I can take the challenges of the rough days.
Thanks ladies, who are in my life. I am so so thankful for you. I don’t think I could do it without you. And thanks for my Savior, who saw my loneliness and put me here, with all these friends, and a reminder that he really does here my prayers.
My daughter has been a little lonely lately. So, we have switched our prayers to friends for her. In fact, the house across the street is for sale and I am praying for a sweet little girl. But the best part is, I can show Ellie how He answered my prayers, and I know he will do the same for her.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Dating God
Today, in Bible Study we were talking about being God reveling himself to us, and why doesn't he just make himself easier for us to understand. Why are there stories in the old testament and frankly in our own lives that seem to us unjust and maybe even unkind? Why can't we get the answers and the full story while we are yet in the pain of a struggle.
Jill remarked "in truth, our heads would explode if God tried to reveal all that he is to us". That would be messy. We ultimately decided that through every experience in life, at least when we are looking for him, we get a little closer to knowing the heart of God. It makes me think of dating your spouse. When you dating, you go out with a person, or spend time with them, and learn a little something new each time. At some point, you decide that you are in to stay. That the good that you discover in this process, outweighs the bad. With God, we keep getting to unwrap layers of who he is and his heart, and each layer is good.
I would say, I am an optimist. Not always, but most of the time, I am looking for the good in a situation. This is a trait that I inherited from my dad and am regularly thankful for. 7 years ago, I was pregnant with my first baby, and the ultrasound showed that my baby would die. As heart wrenching as this time was for me, I found joy in the situation. I knew that God was at work in me and he would use this in my life. I honestly was not bitter or angry. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
Lest I seem proud of this, I will confess to you that Satan used the months after, while I was trying to get pregnant, to tempt me into anger, entitlement and jealousy. I of course later saw the silliness of my impatience during those months of waiting for a baby. Yet, my story has a happy ending. I now have three happy, healthy children. So, it is easy for me to see what God was up to in this situation.
However, there are many people who don't get to wrap their faith stories up into neat little packages with a perfect bow on top. I have dear people in my life who are living with painful situations, with no end in sight. No solution. No resolution. No bow on top. This is where the stuff of real faith is made.
I want to face the trails of life, and the comforts of life ,with pure joy. I want to exhibit joy in the journey of knowing God. I have decided that I am going to love the dating process with him. As I enjoy each experience, and peel back another layer of his goodness, I am going to smile about the fact that God has written me into His story and I get to be a part of His world.
Jill remarked "in truth, our heads would explode if God tried to reveal all that he is to us". That would be messy. We ultimately decided that through every experience in life, at least when we are looking for him, we get a little closer to knowing the heart of God. It makes me think of dating your spouse. When you dating, you go out with a person, or spend time with them, and learn a little something new each time. At some point, you decide that you are in to stay. That the good that you discover in this process, outweighs the bad. With God, we keep getting to unwrap layers of who he is and his heart, and each layer is good.
I would say, I am an optimist. Not always, but most of the time, I am looking for the good in a situation. This is a trait that I inherited from my dad and am regularly thankful for. 7 years ago, I was pregnant with my first baby, and the ultrasound showed that my baby would die. As heart wrenching as this time was for me, I found joy in the situation. I knew that God was at work in me and he would use this in my life. I honestly was not bitter or angry. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
Lest I seem proud of this, I will confess to you that Satan used the months after, while I was trying to get pregnant, to tempt me into anger, entitlement and jealousy. I of course later saw the silliness of my impatience during those months of waiting for a baby. Yet, my story has a happy ending. I now have three happy, healthy children. So, it is easy for me to see what God was up to in this situation.
However, there are many people who don't get to wrap their faith stories up into neat little packages with a perfect bow on top. I have dear people in my life who are living with painful situations, with no end in sight. No solution. No resolution. No bow on top. This is where the stuff of real faith is made.
I want to face the trails of life, and the comforts of life ,with pure joy. I want to exhibit joy in the journey of knowing God. I have decided that I am going to love the dating process with him. As I enjoy each experience, and peel back another layer of his goodness, I am going to smile about the fact that God has written me into His story and I get to be a part of His world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)